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Message Board Reality: A Personal View
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We've seen quite a few new faces recently, some of them very briefly, and there seems to have been a bit of confusion over a few points amongst these newcomers. So, for newbies, here's a quick run-down of some commonly used words and phrases so you can join in and soon feel part of the general fluffy bunniness that is the RC message board, without offending or annoying anyone.

o/t - Signifies that the poster is probably an old t**t and the contents will reflect this; it's kind of an early warning system.

Clique - There is no clique, though a paranoid few outside of the inner circle seem to think there is. As if We care what they they think.

"A noted expert" - Someone who can use Google, steals other people's knowledge and has the front to accept the plaudits that come his way as a result.

"Fettling" - Four hours spent in the shed away from 'er indoors, with a pile of Razzles and the radio for company. A quick spark plug change shortly before emerging effectively fools the inbuilt lie-detector every female is fitted with, "Just been working on the bike dear."

“This is a friendly site” - "Do we know you? Never seen you here before; your opinions are worth nothing... Sod off."

IKBA - If you're not in the cli...er, inner circle you're probably too thick to understand anyway.... Which ironically qualifies you. In the original version of the Bible this is what the writing on the wall spelt out.

SWMBO - Allegedly ironic term used by the downtrodden here as a symbol of minor revolt against the fearsome harridan who blights their lives; anyone appearing at a rally with a swollen ear has been caught using it.

The Eternal Optometrist – A10Newbie, a man whose bike collection shows why most of us can only afford to go to Specsavers. Known for his lavish spending on two-wheeled exotica and his unbounded generosity... Currently doing up a bike he found at the bottom of of his garden for his son and fretting over the cost of a used petrol tap.

“Trust me I'm a Scouser” - Trust a man still wanted for inflicting phone sex on a poor unsuspecting female in Plimuff? "I'll want a ride before I hand the money over," indeed. Claimed he was "taking for a walk" the dog he was caught heading out of the door with in another part of Devon, the owner being alerted by the freshly drilled holes in his top box.

Merchandise - Available elsewhere on the site, everything from t-shirts to baseball caps, the new RC logo'd incontinence pants are going to be a winner given the ageing membership of the board.

Snipping - A means of editing anything offensive, anything advertising another site or just because RealMart got out of bed the wrong side that morning and "Just bloody feels like, it right?"

RealMart - Wielder of the snippers, now a noted expert on the GPO, National Service and Enfields, had hair when he took the job on.

Enfields - [snip]

Jap crap – Term still commonly used amongst a minority still convinced that "they'll never catch on."

BSACB500 - Probably BSA's rarest model, only one known to exist, probably the only one worth having. Proved to be the real thing after thorough investigation into its provenance by "noted expert", one W.Nelson.

The site delivery service - Jerry's your man, if you want a bike shifted for a good price give him a shout. Allow three minutes longer and 50 quid on top of the quote if his trip takes in any "notorious red light areas". His van has two internal rear-view mirrors, one to check on what's behind, another to keep an eye on the quiff; a stray hair being as worrying as the oil-pressure light coming on to others.

Harl[snip]

“This site is like a pub” - Or a Naafi, Train spotter's club, even occasionally like a room full of hormonal teenage girls with differing views of the merits of Rhianna over someone else's choice of talentless bint.

The leaving speech - Often rivalling Gwyneth Paltrow's oratory at various award ceremonies. Usually describes in great length why the poster will never, ever, post anything, particularly at great length, on this site ever again.

The return speech - After not ever, ever using this site again... at least during the sleeping hours, the returnee is apparently reluctantly dragged back after seeing the deluge of support in reply to yesterday's emotive outpouring, at least from his mate Baz and 'er indoors writing under a pseudonym because she's sick of the silly sod moping around the house instead of on the computer out of her way.

“This post is intended ironically and is in no way aimed at anyone specifically, tongue firmly in cheek, has been checked by my lawyers and in no way implies the general crapworthiness of [snip] or any other motorcycle built on the Indian sub-continent” - Disclaimer now needed after any post at all including the likes of "Ok,see you there" e.t.c. Failing to include it often precludes much ire, venting of spleens and more "Paltrow moments"

Dave.



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